| A friend of mine and I were chatting this morning before church- our conversation drifted to touch upon poetry we wrote as teens... Oh, the wonderful years of 13, 14, and all of high school. It made me remember this little blog here, which I decided to look at. I only vaguely remembered that much of what I wrote was very "emo", or to be more accurate, very depressing. I was surprised to see that I had some posts from 2010. That would only be two years ago... Perhaps I was struck by the same impulse as I am now, and made the same resolve that I am tempted to make, at this moment, which would be to perhaps keep writing on this xanga more regularly, as the main literary narrative of my life as it weaves through its days. And, I probably failed. Quite miserably, actually. But what can I say? Throughout the years I have kept an ongoing narrative / blog / diary, in many books and on many pages. Mainly, I would come back when tragedy (including angst) rocked my world. It irritates me a little to think that I only truly focused on writing and blogging when I was dissatisfied with life, when things weren't good enough. Basically, I only posted or wrote to complain. But why? Why only memorialize those feelings of frustration? Why only paint those moments that hurt? I don't know, but as unappealing as it sounds theoretically, it seems to be the temptation, and I think I may say, not only for myself. So here's a post to JOY. For one, I am VERY happy. I met someone a little over two years ago who slowly has changed my life completely, in such a big and positive way. I love him, and I want him to stay in my life forever. And I think I my wishes just may be fulfilled. I have learned so much about myself these past four years in Illinois, the vast majority of them being flaws about myself, negative tendencies, and insecurities. Overall, as hard as it may have been to learn those things and have to face them, I think I have emerged a stronger, better person, and I hope to keep doing so. This makes me realize that anything that can get you down can also make you stronger, tenfold. You just have to let it change you. By writing this here, I feel like I am telling everybody and nobody the innermost thoughts in my mind. I rather like that. I am bearing my soul to the world, while really just keeping my diary. So here's to joy. I am going to try this week to recognize all the things that are joyful in my life, and let go of the things that make me think negatively. |
